Tuesday, May 25, 2010


 I was involved in some deep philosophical life related discussions (vehement enough to cause a brain haemorrage to normal individuals )with a couple of my friends with some doubts and disappointments in relationships. Disappointed, coz they know what they want from life and doubt ,coz in spite of an acute sense of certainty and being considerate towards others, the source of that disappointment is unknown. Co-incidentally, both of them are no way related to each other.

Life, in more than one way doesn't allow you to demand what you have given and it seems to appear more miser than those living beings, who were/ are (hopefully will be) a part of your life amidst those self created complex relationship equations. Commitment and doubts have an 'in contrast' and inextricable relationship, more because it is subjective. 

 The blogger, who happens to be a good friend of mine, who I have known for a long time (though we have not met since year 2006 ), wrote in his blog that it hurts when you see that 'someone once inseperable ' is doing good without you. Im sure, it does. It's not only for one of the twain, though ! It feels bad, nevertheless that is the most piquant bit when people, have to put in efforts to pretend how happy they are wihout you,when they are not. Their pain, be it lesser than yours is afterall a pain which they have to conceal and they are putting everything to act it perfectly. Infact, the moments when they show how normal and fine they are even more interesting. At times, their efforts clearly show, at times they don't and people slip into the character quite easily. It sounds quite like a sadist but afterall it is part of that pragmatic and matured relationship dynamics, we are part of.

For some reason that 'move on' suggestions given by proximates and wellwishers,  troubles people more than the actual suffering. Moving on is practically easier than making yourself realizing it. We can choose to keep a distance from people in order to prevent blows in future. Keeping a distance is thinking in extremes. We can think in extremes and may want things in 'black or white', life is all about grey shades though ! Yet, the point is about that ideal (which is always a hogwash supreme state of self flattering optimism) and  'difficult to attain' balance of detachment and attachment with those closely knit relationships. Attached, so that you can enjoy that bit of life when you have it ; and detachment , so that you don't have any disappointments when you don't have it any more. It is about enjoying the flow of life but not getting carried away. Most of the times you get disappointed because you never kept a margin to let any other relationship nurture as you never needed anyone apart from the person you have in your life. That's the most interesting and far-sighted bit of 'Relationomics'.

What someone else is reaping by picking up the 'moved on' is because of the investment he made outside the relationships one had. Life is a brutal game that way and the only way to not to lose is to win.. It is politically incorrect but it is about being an opportunist with those who are opportunists. Again, life never works on thumb rules. May be ,you didn't get what you gave, still you end up a giver. The point is not to disappoint those who want you. Why not keep a good room for those who need you. This state and quality of being attached and detached at the same time is what Bhagwat Gita suggests (Now,i see some stonepelting coming my way :)). It cannot be learnt, it can only be felt but it should be done without any negativity. The point is that you should be at ease. Parting ways is a part of life and it should be dealt in that way. At times, you don't understand the reason for these things to come about and nothing makes sense amidst the esoteric complexities of life but every question brings an answer. It is an entire package. May be, it doesn't make sense today. Someday everything will make perfect sense with an answer that everything transpired for a reason. If your prayers/ questions are unanswered, that's your answer.